apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
