what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
