and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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