Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
