Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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