Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
BRING THE BAGELS
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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