mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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