Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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