You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
