Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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