saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
are you so shy because you have an std?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
