i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
