the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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