I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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