I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
