Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
