I don't usually arrange sex via text message
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
