my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
