Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
