Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
