I'm laying in your front yard are you home
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
