Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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