Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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