why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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