everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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