just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
