Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
