oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
