You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
