Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
