hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
