just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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