I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
