Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so let's talk penis.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
