Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
