i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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