I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
