I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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