if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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