i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
someone owes me an orgasm
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
