i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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