And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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