I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
