i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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