It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
