booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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