did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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