If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
