Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
