watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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