Christians are straight up FREAKS
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
