I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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