she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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