The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
