yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
