Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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