Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
