She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
