I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
