I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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